'Twas two nights before Christmas Eve, and all through my veins
anxiety was coursing like a train on cocaine
I, in high-heeled boots, had gone shopping for gifts,
slipping through the icy parking lot 10,000 plows missed
Bundled in my black coat, the one with the hood,
I'd just exited Bloomingdales, feeling cold, but pretty good
For I had accomplished a task most could not:
I had finished my Christmas shopping, all in one shot
When, what to my narrowing eyes should appear?
Why, an SUV tailing cautious steps at my rear
His headlights were blazing, as he loomed close and large
Surely he'd follow me till he'd find where I'd parked
Thinking his spying me rendered other drivers thwarted,
this guy didn't realize the journey he'd started
See, I'd driven my mother's car (mine died last week, damnit!),
and yet I traipsed searching for my car out of habit
Around and around I walked, packaged arms breaking, achingly
The SUV stalker wondering, "Where the hell is she taking me?"
I slipped and I sniffed until I spotted, as horns blew,
my mother's car and wondered, "She came shopping here, too?"
When finally my senses returned to my thoughts
I scurried, best I could, to recover time lost
With the key in the keyhole to open the trunk,
I wobbled on the ice like a Christmas punch drunk
Surprise, surprise, FROZEN! The lock I'd dared turn
So I went 'round the backseat with a look of concern
Worrying that not all the parcels would fit,
squishing and pushing until all of them did
Now, trying to compose myself and shake off the worst
I started the car and put it in reverse
But, no, no, not so fast, all the windows were frosted
Now, cursing and frazzled, I totally lost it
Defrost time, I had none, the mood nearly manic
For the SUV waiting had caused major traffic
There, inside my mother's car, I cowered, just listening
to the cacophony of beeping, headlights on me, blistering
I dashed out the vehicle and into the backseat
that immediately spit every package back at me
Desperate, I grabbed the inspirational pillow,
that sat on display, cozy in the back window
"Behind every great woman is herself," it reads
Thus, I used its embroidered face to wipe the windows clean
Then, finally, having packed up the car once again,
I got in the driver's seat, and out the space I went
Saying to myself, jingley, as I slid out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all...WATCH THE ICE!"
anxiety was coursing like a train on cocaine
I, in high-heeled boots, had gone shopping for gifts,
slipping through the icy parking lot 10,000 plows missed
Bundled in my black coat, the one with the hood,
I'd just exited Bloomingdales, feeling cold, but pretty good
For I had accomplished a task most could not:
I had finished my Christmas shopping, all in one shot
When, what to my narrowing eyes should appear?
Why, an SUV tailing cautious steps at my rear
His headlights were blazing, as he loomed close and large
Surely he'd follow me till he'd find where I'd parked
Thinking his spying me rendered other drivers thwarted,
this guy didn't realize the journey he'd started
See, I'd driven my mother's car (mine died last week, damnit!),
and yet I traipsed searching for my car out of habit
Around and around I walked, packaged arms breaking, achingly
The SUV stalker wondering, "Where the hell is she taking me?"
I slipped and I sniffed until I spotted, as horns blew,
my mother's car and wondered, "She came shopping here, too?"
When finally my senses returned to my thoughts
I scurried, best I could, to recover time lost
With the key in the keyhole to open the trunk,
I wobbled on the ice like a Christmas punch drunk
Surprise, surprise, FROZEN! The lock I'd dared turn
So I went 'round the backseat with a look of concern
Worrying that not all the parcels would fit,
squishing and pushing until all of them did
Now, trying to compose myself and shake off the worst
I started the car and put it in reverse
But, no, no, not so fast, all the windows were frosted
Now, cursing and frazzled, I totally lost it
Defrost time, I had none, the mood nearly manic
For the SUV waiting had caused major traffic
There, inside my mother's car, I cowered, just listening
to the cacophony of beeping, headlights on me, blistering
I dashed out the vehicle and into the backseat
that immediately spit every package back at me
Desperate, I grabbed the inspirational pillow,
that sat on display, cozy in the back window
"Behind every great woman is herself," it reads
Thus, I used its embroidered face to wipe the windows clean
Then, finally, having packed up the car once again,
I got in the driver's seat, and out the space I went
Saying to myself, jingley, as I slid out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all...WATCH THE ICE!"
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